Religion and kids

Growing up with my dad, it was not uncommon to see a framed picture of the Virgin Mary next to a small gold statue of Buddha, or a porcelain Hindu goddess propping up a book about the Dead Sea Scrolls.  Although both of my parents grew up Catholic, they chose not to raise us in the church.  In fact, I am told that I was baptized to the "earth" on a hill with friends and family.  Syracuse was a predominately Catholic community, and so all of my friends attended the same church (although mostly just at Easter and Christmas) and went to a "faith center" near our high school once a week during lunch and for some "lock-in" sleepovers.  I sometimes joined them, just to not feel left out, but I never felt very comfortable with Catholicism.  Not even understanding the philosophy, it just seemed so formal next to what I was used to at home.  My dad and sisters and I prayed every night together - but it was more spiritual than religious.  We gathered in my dad's room, lit candles, and said various prayers together, including a differently translated version of the Our Father prayer that my dad found in his many books on religion.  We were not told any specific thing to believe - we were just raised to believe in a god (although God could have been a He or a She) and were exposed to different facets of religion, including Catholic churches, Unitarian churches, and Jewish temples.  My dad really wanted us to develop our own beliefs.

I didn't really take the initiative to do this until I was in graduate school.  I moved to North Carolina, and although Chapel Hill exists in a liberal bubble of the Bible Belt, it is still the South!  I moved in with strangers, thanks to online apartment hunting from South Korea, both of whom were practicing Christians.  After a few weeks in NC, one day I just asked my roommate, Heather, about her church and if I could check it out.  She told me about it, and that it was a pretty liberal non-denominational Bible church.  It sounded not-too-scary to me, and so I went.  I went again and again.  I think I cried every Sunday for several weeks.  My poor roommate probably didn't know what to do with me!  This particular church just felt really comfortable to me - it was a large congregation of professors, teachers, students, young families, and seasoned congregates; it did not seem evangelical or pushy, and every sermon seemed to be targeted toward me.  I enjoyed singing the songs every week - although I am not as musically talented as the rest of my family, I do enjoy singing and really felt close to God in those moments.  And although I still wasn't comfortable with everything in the Bible, I went to church every week because it was a place I could feel God and talk to Him.  I always felt so peaceful and centered when I left that building.  I began reading books on Christianity (including The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel, which was awesome for me at the time), attended a series of classes for struggling non- or new believers that my church offered, and talked endlessly with my roommates, friends, and family members about their beliefs.

When I met Eric in August 2005, he told me that he grew up a Southern Baptist.  He went to church, to youth groups, and on mission trips - the whole nine yards.  However, when he left his hometown to come to the bubble that is Chapel Hill for college, his views changed.  He did some reading, and found Daoism, and even got some tattoos of "dao" and "path" on his arms.  Daoism is more of a philosophy or spirituality than a religion, and Eric will say now that he still tries to follow these tenets, but that he is also an atheist.  I knew all of this very soon after meeting him, of course.  He came to church with me a few times, and he actually enjoyed the sermons...well, that might be a strong statement, but he at least respected the pastor, who was a highly educated, very liberal, down-to-earth guy.  However, it was a struggle to get him to join me, and we had a few conversations about how we would eventually raise our children.  Eric really liked how my dad handled my religious/spiritual development, and although I believed things that he did not, he respected the way I came about it on my own, as a free-thinking adult.  I understood that, but also expressed that I always felt very left out and like an outsider as a child and young adult growing up around friends who had a sense of community with their church and people who shared their beliefs.  While I did not want to push my religious/spiritual beliefs upon my children, I did want to expose them to a church community and religious practice.  Eric said he would support the kids going to church with me, as long as he was also able to express his views to them.

Now that we actually have kids, the hypothetical "What will we do?" conversations are suddenly real.  Although my church attendance has been quite poor as of late - in fact, I haven't been since I was put on bed rest at 26 weeks, and then I gave birth to some little people that require attention on Sunday mornings. :)  But I would like to go again, and someday (when I can imagine them sitting quietly through a service or *gasp* attending the church nursery) I would like to take the boys along.  However, it is a balancing act between exposing them to my beliefs (and to Eric's) and allowing them to develop their own.   How do we expose them to all sides of things, while trusting that they will make their own decisions, and not just do what mommy or daddy does or believe what mommy or daddy believes?  I just have to hope that Eric and I can work as a team, and respect each other's differing viewpoints.  To me, that is the best lesson we can pass along to our kids anyway - the understanding that not everyone believes what you do, but that you should always respect and embrace those differences.

We will "eat" up whatever you say, so be careful! :)